Hari Om Dear friend!
You know how they say it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?
I too didn’t get it.
I really didn’t.
Heartbreak is something that everybody has experienced in some way or another.
It’s not always losing the person you love because they don’t love you back, it’s many ways.
Your heart gets broken when your plans don’t work out and you have to ask for help from the people you really never ever wanted to ask for help.
When you give all of yourself to an idea, a business or a relationship and it doesn’t work out and you lose yourself and your dreams, self belief and confidence, that is heart break.
When you wait your entire life to be able to earn enough to bring your parents joy and when you finally do and your parents are no longer there.. that is heartbreak.
Look around you, we are all heartbroken.
None of us is shielded from the vagaries of life.
Everyone is carrying some pain within them and working through it and healing through it. You know what?
The more we open our heart and inculcate compassion, the more we heal and grow. The more we realise that at the end of the day, the purpose of the journey was the journey.
The purpose of loving and not being loved back, was to understand that love is not a contract, it isn’t an agreement, it is an expression.
Love flows out from deep within you like rivers flow down from the mountains.
Like flowers bloom,
Like sun rays scatter through the clouds.
Love flows out from within you because you have the capacity to love. It happens naturally.
You have the capacity to love because you have the capacity to feel, to express and to be vulnerable and allow yourself to be hurt if need be.
This means you have courage. This means you have strength.
Most people go through life never fully opening their hearts to the things, people and ideas that call out to the deepest parts of their soul, because they are afraid of being shot down. They are afraid of being rejected.
Don’t be.
“Your heart must continue to break until it opens”
~Rumi
What does this mean?
It means you don’t need to be loved back by someone to feel love.
You and the love you feel is complete within itself.
Your love doesn’t need to be validated by being ‘chosen’ by someone or being showered with affection and reciprocation.
Your love, as you feel it, as it is, is complete.
It is complete like the love of a person towards a beautiful rose in the meadow.
He doesn’t pluck it and leave it to wither thereafter, he allows the beauty to fill up his heart, to experience it within the moment and yet, allow it to be free.
True love is not to possess, it is not to have, or not have.
True love is to feel, let go and set free.
So don’t despair if you loved someone truly and they didn’t love you back.
For you have all the love that you created within you and within you it is complete.
Give yourself this love now so that you may attract someone who responds to your vibration.
Fill yourself with so much love that you are free from any traces of heartbreak.
So that you are free from any need to direct your love to anyone and seek it back.
Know that you can give all of this love to yourself with compassion and at the same time, continue to love the person who doesn’t feel love for you.
Continue to open your heart to people, plants, animals, life around you.
Continue to allow yourself to feel what you feel.
The more you do that, the more you allow your heart to be open and love with abandon without the fear of getting hurt or the fear of being rejected, the more attractive you become.
And as you become attractive you will become a vessel of love.
Trust me.
You will become so radiant and so beautiful and peaceful within yourself that nothing but love will flow from you and towards you.
You will just attract people, relationships, friendships and companions who want to co create more love with you.
How can you do that now? ‘Practically’ speaking?
- Start a meditation routine.
- I know it will be very tough at first but think of meditation as self therapy.
- Meditation will allow you to feel and work through your emotions.
- Remember you will go through the 5 stages of grief and you have to step by step, allow yourself to go through these stages ‘consciously’:
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
- I’m including a link here of ‘heart chakra’ meditation that will help you heal your heart and release pain and sadness. The point is to not let the hurt close your heart lest you alienate and distance the people who want to and are willing to give you love.
2. Maintain a journal
- I know, the last thing you want to do is write when you practically feel like crap all day and maybe don’t even feel like moving or sometimes, god bless you… breathing!
- However, all journaling is not ‘written’.
- The point is to record your progress and this journey.
- You will find love after this I promise.
- You will get through this. I promise.
- And when you get through this, and you are stronger because of it, I want you to be able to look back at how you made it and through what you made it so that you become stronger and grow through this experience not merely go through it.
- Just record every day.
- Write, blog, voice record, video record, blog, vlog, whatever you feel like!
- Allow yourself to feel what you feel and transmute that pain into creativity.
- This will help you make a routine and ensure that you don’t completely fall into the abyss of inaction.
- You need something to keep pushing you to improve and move ahead each day. Journaling will help you do that.
3. Strengthen yourself
- Workout, eat better, enroll for a course you always wanted to enroll in. Dancing, cooking, art, I don’t know man! Whatever you always wanted to do. Go do that!
- I would highly suggest making a workout routine and sticking to it even if you feel like crap.
- Get your friends to hold you accountable or ask you to workout with them.
- If you can’t get friends to do that, get a personal coach or life coach to keep you on track and motivate you.
- Transmute this pain into progress.
- Feel it.
- Direct it. (Towards some activity such as working out)
- Release it. (At the end of the activity, consciously tap into the feeling again and let it go by taking deep breaths)
4. Don’t block!
- Blocking, getting rid of old stuff, destroying photos, this is all for weak people.
- I know it is painful, I know it.
- Blocking, deleting all of this will just block your heart.
- Respect the other person’s choice and realise that you deserve better. Realize that you deserve more.
- By harboring resentment you are basically putting the message out in the universe that there is no one else out there who will love you as much as you deserve to be loved.
- There is!
- There is someone out there who will love you exactly the way you love and you will be so lucky to meet them when the time is right.
- If you harbor resentment for this current person, you will not be able to raise your energetic vibration high enough to be able to attract the love you deserve, into your life.
- So rise above these things. Keep your heart clear and continue to allow yourself the space to feel love.
5. Get help
- It’s important to talk to someone about how you feel.
- Not everyone wants this but sure as hell everyone needs this.
- Take your time but know that talking to someone, like a life coach, therapist, tarot reader, astrologer, whatever rocks your boat man. Whatever you feel drawn to.
- Getting help will ensure that you don’t feel isolated with pain and you don’t bottle up your emotions and continue to get hopeless.
- Bottled up emotions can be really harmful for immune system and mental health.
- Don’t bottle it up. Talk. Get some help.
6. Solo travel
- I can’t honestly think of anything more empowering and refreshing than solo traveling.
- The biggest thing that solo traveling does is that it forces you to get our of your comfort zone and adapt to a new scenery, a new setting.
- Meeting new people, going through new experiences, trying new food, sleeping in a new bed, living in a different place, it all has a very healing effect on you.
- I understand sometimes in life we may not have the money to travel and in times of Covid, maybe traveling isn’t possible.
- However, you can still go the best park, garden or monument in your city as a day outing and go for an outing two or three days in a row.
- Get what I mean?
- If you don’t have the money, just explore your own city like a tourist would. Make a 3 day itinerary and hit all the great spots in the city and bring a new wave of freshness into your life.
- Please don’t go an a solo trip looking to hookup with someone to get over your heartbreak. That’s running from yourself. Don’t do that.
- The point of traveling solo is to become more rooted in your power and comfortable in your company. Have new experiences and allow your mind to relax and change your perspective to things.
7. Get closure
- How do you get closure?
- This is going to be the single most difficult most rewarding step in this entire cycle and you have to aim to reach here.
- If you reach this step and are able to do what I’m going to tell you, then you will rid yourself completely of any pain whatsoever.
- What is it?
- When you’re finally healed and feeling confident, strong and radiant within, have a normal conversation with the person you were in love with, just like friends.
- Keep your boundaries in this meeting or call, even if they want to over step them.
- Even if they say they’ve changed their mind or just miss you being crazy after them, maintain your boundaries and have a friendly chat where you talk about general things and wrap the call up with a normal friendly statement like “Good talking to you, see you soon!”
- This will give you the closure that you need to put the stamp of healing over this entire episode.
- Give yourself as much time as you want but understand, this should be the final step.
- The beginning of your next relationship starts with how this one ends.
- Even if this one was a one sided relationship, it doesn’t matter because for you it was indeed a relationship.
- So you have to ensure that this ‘separation’ and ‘release’ is ‘conscious’ and that you are able to keep an open heart through it.
- This is what will lead you to the person you are meant for. This is what will help you attract your soulmate into your life.
Hope this helps.
Hari Om!
