In my entire experience since I quit being who I used to be and became the person who actually helps others become a truer version of themselves..
This journey of slowly graduating from a naïve teenager who thought following the rules laid by authority ensures success and stability..
To the weathered and tempered man at the edge of 30 realizing people, institutions, authority and even your loved ones, don’t always mean what you think they do..
To the Life Coach working with thousands of individuals around the globe, their own stories, their history, life paths and trajectories..
I think I finally have the secret formula, that single piece of clarity you need to make sense of it all. To make sense of being betrayed, make sense of being left out in the cold and to make sense of being lied to.
You know what it is?
It’s the grown-up realization that quite often people aren’t actively lying about who they are or what you mean to them.
They don’t know it fully themselves.
People often don’t fully understand, don’t fully realize what a friendship, what a relationship, what a responsibility, what a connection or role truly means to them, until they’re cornered or squeezed by life.
And so to quote Robert De Niro from Heat, haha.. people don’t realize if you’re expendable inside 30 seconds for them if they feel the heat around the corner… until they actually do.
That’s all you need to know to release and free yourself from the people who hurt you, let you down or lied to you.
People, especially the ‘majority’.. is unfortunately quite weak and focused on comfort and convenience.
The true extent of their weakness, addiction to comfort and aversion to discomfort, dawns upon them too when they must take a decision and find themselves deciding against you.
They may push that feeling down.
They may brush it off like it wasn’t anything but trust me, they know.
Most people know how much they hurt you. They know what they caused in your life. They know exactly what impact it had.
Here’s the thing though.
They’re never going to be able to apologize to you fully. They’re never going to be able to own up to their actions possibly ever.
Why?
Because of what it says about what they value, who they value and who they really are.. even.. what they really are.
It breaks their version of who they believed they were.
It upsets the balance of what they thought they were stronger than or able to hold their ground against.
If you want balance however, you’ll have to find it by making a mental note of this moving forward.
A mental note not to be distrustful of others.
A mental note not to not believe what others say.
A mental note not to not need anyone else.
A mental note simply to not place you in situations and circumstances where people have to find themselves come up short about you.
Avoid forcing people to choose.
But then also.. avoid making it easy for them either.
Avoid living as anyone who shrinks or blooms on the basis of others’ convenience or support.
Become self contained and self blooming.
Build a life so damn solid within itself that people know exactly the ‘cover charge’ required to ‘get in that club’ haha.
They know exactly what is at stake here, what they stand to lose if they mess up and what they’d be lucky to get a piece of if they can hold themselves together.
That will only happen when you stop judging yourself over the people who left you, betrayed your or didn’t fight you..
And start taking that as gentle feedback on what protocols to define about people entering and leaving.
If someone must leave, must be let go of and just plain ditches you.. send them away with love.
No sadness, no hurt, just blessings and a note to yourself: Now ‘this person’ doesn’t get to come back in.
They may well encounter themselves truly and undergo a transformation and not be the same person anymore and maybe your paths cross sometime down the line..
But it won’t ever be with the same person again.
The version of you people walk away from should be dead to them.
It’s not about hurt.
It’s about calculated withdrawal of value.
It’s about understanding that what you bring to the table will probably never always be valued and may sometimes be abused by a few, that’s okay.
It just means you need to guard that value better and ensure people who walk away from it or don’t value it, no longer get to be in a position ever again to be able to ‘value’ it but accept what that value is defined as today.
The response my friend isn’t about who you are as a person. It’s about the rates of value exchange defined by you.
Raise your value and guard your value.
Anyone who ever ‘left’ you, did so because they had never truly done the math of how ‘valuable’ you really ever were to them.
Why? Because they most probably hadn’t fully evaluated what their ‘value’ was.
These people shift their value in response to life and its triggers and when faced with a difficult choice, they let go of connections, things, people who they can’t ‘place’ inside that fuzzy value system.
That’s not your problem.
Raise your value. Guard your value.
Smile and release whoever wants to walk away.. into the world.. with peace.
Hari Om!
–Jay
Over the years, I’ve consistently built and completed long-form challenges and series as a way of creating structured portals for personal transformation. From posting every single day on YouTube for a full year, to the How to Rebuild Your Life series, the 7-Day Entrepreneur Motivation series, the How To Communicate Effectively series and now the upcoming 4 Dham Yatra documentation—each of these wasn’t content for content’s sake, but a deliberately designed container for inner and outer change. I’ve seen firsthand how showing up daily, inside a defined arc, quietly reshapes clarity, discipline, and identity.
The 10-day Chetana Jeevanam program is designed with that same philosophy. It is a short, immersive portal for personal growth and conscious recalibration—built around daily structure, reflection, and inner alignment. If this series resonates with you, you may want to join the waiting list for the upcoming batch of Chetana Jeevanam, where this work is taken deeper, together.
