I was writing in full creative force when I gave up WordPress altogether and just.. left…
Yeah I know, a lot of writers here are going to tell me that ” You need to resist that temptation and keep writing” and “.. become more disciplined with your writing..” etc. etc.
Here’s the deal though.
I still have close to 45 drafts of motivational writing, just sitting on my dashboard. That includes parts 3,4 and 5 of ‘The Lotus’ an online motivational novel I was writing.
I just felt my true expression was being lost in translation. I felt that there was so much I needed to say and in so many different ways.
I was losing out on all of it just because I had gotten used to life being a certain way and accepting a certain order to things.
It’s tough knowing when you’ve reached an ending or maybe it’s just tough accepting it. Deep down you always know when it’s time to move on from something.
All endings are beginnings.. and all beginnings are beginnings of new endings.
It takes courage to explore yourself. Most people won’t do that. Most people are happy with either only exploring the breadth of their talent or only exploring the depth of their expression.
No one wants to leave something that works really well for them.. and risk failing miserably at something new.
I’m not saying that living outside your comfort zone is essentially what everyone needs to do but I’m just saying, having been where I’ve been in the past year or so…
Having experienced what I have, I can testify to the fact that outside your comfort zone is indeed where the magic takes place.
It doesn’t happen over night. It doesn’t happen suddenly. It’s a very slow process on most occasions but you need to be committed to continually enhance yourself for anything of value to bloom out from within you.. for the world to see.
In nature, flowers don’t bloom for the world to see, they just bloom when the time is right. They bloom when they’re supposed to bloom. They bloom when they’re ripe. So it is with your talents.
Everyone is multi-talented. Everyone; Some more so than others but everyone is multi talented. Here’s the thing though; most people go to their graves with the majority of their talents under utilized.
The majority just settles with the safety they find in even the worst talents which can pay their bills and offer them security.
The majority gets comfortable in being mediocre and never venturing beyond what they’ve mastered.
I’m not saying people don’t have the right to do what they want. I’m just saying that most people know they can do a lot more than they are doing with their lives.
They just don’t seem to care.. only that they do but they’re always lying to themselves. They’re always lying to themselves to hide their fear of failure under the carpet.
I always knew I could write well. I knew I could write poetry because that is often your first expression of poetry. It is to write to express love.
So yeah, I believed in writing for love and one day I just felt like I needed to write for a cause and more openly for the world to see. So as a rule, I stopped writing for love and focused only on the more challenging aspects of writing poetry such as motivation.
My life was at it’s deepest darkest nadir when I began to write here. I wrote to give myself hope and also to try to touch the lives of any others like me, going through the same things as I was.
My first poem was Suicide Note. I wrote it as a replacement for actually jumping off a bridge.. which is something I used to think of continuously in that period. Then one day, I just wanted to see how it would look in words and I let it flow.
Not only did it make me feel better, it immortalized me. “This is it!” I thought; I’ve created something to be remembered for anyone who can appreciate it. At least I won’t die an insignificant death.
Maybe they’ll publish it in my obituary if I really do commit suicide!
Then I began to write here and was appreciated by many people here and from my network. After an initial phase of healing through writing, I tried my hand at some photography and utilized colours and lighting, combining it with poetry to add to the depth of the words, to aid the imagery.
Then I tried to explore ‘what else’ i could do and I spent a few months locked up in my room trying to complete manuscripts I had begun a while ago.
Now they’re twice as long and just about as incomplete.
Then I began writing about astrology on Quora and focused on helping people with energy healing, mantras, chakras, crystals and meditation.
However, somewhere in all of this I found a gap between what I wanted to convey, how I wanted to convey it and what I was ending up conveying in the end.
It was around this time that I founded a brand named Ratna Tantra, focused on self-healing. At the same time, I founded Coach Kaushal and set to work producing a life coaching video course as well as designing and planning online learning courses available at a reasonable price to the public. This was a pretty ambitious project to begin with and involved investing pretty much all of our seed funding.
Why did I still go ahead with it then?
Because it gave me the satisfaction I wanted. You know why?
Because for the first time in my life, I was employing pretty much all of the skills I had, in creating something just for the people.
When I began working on the idea of Coach Kaushal, it seemed like it was all uphill. However, I have been lucky to be provided with the right kind of support in my life. My best friend Rahul got in on my idea and actually brought his plethora of experience to develop it into something even bigger than my initial thought. I found another supporter of my life project in my friend Ankit, who made it his life project as well and brought in his accounting and financial expertise.
Today I finally feel that even if I die tonight, I have created enough to be recognized at least for the right intention. (lol) I feel that’s priceless if you’re constantly battling nagging ideas about your self worth growing up.
Most of us are. Most people ask themselves these questions but then stop as they age because they know they can’t answer truthfully anymore. Most people have learnt to conveniently live a mediocre life that they pass off as ‘living in the moment‘.
Not that that’s a bad thing, most people don’t know the first thing about living in the moment. They take each moment as an opportunity to run from the previous one.
See, most people go let their dreams die in a very slow process progressing from one phase of self disempowerment to another. You must read about the 9 phases of self disempowerment that i have explained on my home page. These are based on my independent research as a life coach.
I feel failing at all the things I did, letting go all the things I did, was great.
It was in the end a small price to pay, to realize the greater ambition:
Committing to a goal higher than yourself and motivating others to do the same.
See it doesn’t matter if you have to let go of something that’s working perfectly, to go build something else you don’t even know will work or not.
What matters is what you want to create while you’re here and how you can do justice to the greatness within you.
Everything else is just transient. It’s like The Truman Show, it’s like The Matrix, it’s like Tron Legacy or whatever.. lol
But you… you’re real.
And you’re real only if you believe you are real.
If you just lose yourself in the crowd, you cease to be you. Pretty soon, you become one of the walls.. chairs.. trees.. whatever.. you get the point!
See you soon. Take care.